No one knew
by hermione-amelia-rose1479
Summary: No one knew why. No one knew who Bellatrix really was. No one knew how she really felt. Rated T for swearing, women/child abuse


A/N: Hey guys, this is perhaps my darkest story yet. It's why Bellatrix Lestrange is mentally touched. How she was back then.

please review. I reduced at least 7 of my friends to tears with this :/

Nope. Don't own

* * *

Bellatrix

No one knew how this happened. No one knew why. No one knew that I never was like this in the first place. I was only 6 when my first cruciatus curse was put on me by my parents.

* * *

_"Crucio!" Her mother said. Bellatrix writhed in pain, she was screaming her head off, but no one else, other than Andie, Cissa and her father could hear._

_"Bellatrix Desmoda Lestrange. You do not play with the muggles. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?" her father shouted_

_"Yes papa, yesss" she sobbed._

_"CRUCIO" he father placed another curse on her_

_"Papa stop. Can't you see? Cissa is crying!" Andie sobbed. Indeed, the 2 year old girl she was hugging was crying. Cissa couldn't do anything. Neither could Andie_

_"Girl. Shut your bloody mouth, or by Salazar I will curse you too" he said to her dangerously. Her parents high tailed out of the room leaving the girls all together._

_"I'm so sorry Trixie" Andie said to her older sister. They were only 6,4 and 2. But they knew that they couldn't go on like this._

_"It's alright. I guess I can't see Joshua again" Joshua was the muggle boy she fancied. She was only 6 but she had dreamt of marrying him. Joshua was her age, with beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair. _

_"Cissa. It's alright." Trixie said to the toddler._

* * *

No one knew that I was once, cute. I once wore pink and pigtails. Until I learnt that we serve only those pure of blood. I wasn't convinced all that much until I turned 16. That day changed me completely. It left a scar.

-line-

_"You never learn girl. You never learn." Her father said. "Crucio"_

_"Crucio" her mother screamed. Bellatrix couldn't take it anymore_

_"No father. I WILL NOT marry Rudolphus. He's vile. He's cruel and he whores every girl he gets his filthy hands on" she said with passion_

_"You will marry him when you turn 17 or by Salazar you will meet him when you die." The round of spells continued._

_"He's of the purest bloodlines there is." Her mother said and another set of cruciatus curses were sent by her parents. They ceased their fire and turned to the younger girls who were embracing each other with fear._

_"You will marry who we say or you will suffer like your _dear_ sister" he spat on the ground next to them and walked out with his wife. Bellatrix was left in the middle of the basement floor. Her beautifully curly, black hair spilling over her face, mingling with the tears. She tried undoing the shackles that were chained to the floor, but un able._

_"Bells?" Andie asked "Are you alright?" she asked softly_

_"I can't do it anymore. He shags girl in every broom closet he finds. He's harmed my mate Lucinda while doing it and she nearly died. I can't do it." She sobbed. Bellatrix was embraced by both her sisters_

_"If it helps. Think about his gold. You could kill him while he sleeps. You'd receive all the gold" Narcissa said gently_

_"I can't murder someone Cissa. Even if I hate them that much. I can't" Bellatrix said. She spotted a scar at the top of her breast, where the top of the corseted dress showed flesh."_

_"Bells. It shows how much you suffered and how much more you will. It'll remind you how strong you are. Not many people can survive that without dying." Andie said hurt. "You'll pull through it. You will" Andie said._

* * *

No one knew of my pregnancy. I snuck out every few nights to see Joshua. But that day, it killed my baby. I was at 6 months and I was hardly showing. My sisters helped hide the relatively non-existent bulge by dressing me to disguise it. But it killed her. I buried her in the dead of night with my sisters present, they acted godmothers and we sprinkled some water on her grave. I was going to name her Rose, as rosy as her father's cheeks when he saw me. But I never would. I grieved hard that day. When she was supposed to be born, I was going to show her as proof of Rudolphus' philandering. But I never could be a mother after that. She was delivered painfully and I could never see a child without wanting to cry again.

* * *

_"Rose. Rose Black" Bellatrix said to her sisters. Rose was buried in the furthest corner, Bellatrix had lovingly placed roses and larkspur to hide the hole. Every time she looked at one of the roses, she cried._

_"She'll be in heaven. Waiting for you Bells" Cissa said_

_"I wish she would grow up to know her aunties" Bellatrix cried, head on Andie's shoulder. Cissa's arm was around Bellatrix's waist. They knelt next to the grave together, grieving for the loss of an innocent child to their parent's cruelty._

_"I should've told them she was Lestrange's child. They would've spared me" Bellatrix said regretfully_

_"But they wouldn't believe us" Andie said sadly. They stood up and left the site. Bellatrix mentally cursing her parents._

* * *

No one knew that I was close to both of them. I was in Slytherin, only for my cunning and skill as the hat told me. Cissa was in Ravenclaw with Andie as they were geniuses and smart. I never could par their superiority. My first night with Rudolphus was hell. He showed his reputation that night. He never knew how that day when I was 16 changed me. He thought I would succumb to his looks and his touch. But he never knew that I listened to Andie and Cissa. I could've murdered him, but I didn't. I wasn't a murder. Years later, I never knew how Andie managed to rebel so much, I never knew how she could defy my parents so much. It broke my father's heart to all of my sisters' satisfaction. He died knowing that his daughters had loathed him that much. I was never as strong as Andie. If I was, I would've married Joshua, I would've murdered Rudolphus

But then that day years later. I couldn't control myself. I was tortured by my so-called husband

* * *

_"Dear wife. Lie with me?" he asked seductively. Bellatrix wouldn't be swayed and she cursed him_

_"Not in a lifetime bitch" she said coldly. He pushed her against the wall and tried untying her corseted dress. But Bellatrix was stronger than that and pushed him back._

* * *

That was when I had so many curses placed upon me by my 'husband', his brother and his mother. What sort of mother would watch their daughter in pain. It drove me to near-insanity. I felt dead and was now a mere puppet. I felt as if an imperius curse was upon me and there probably was. I became obsessed with the Dark Lord. There would be times where I would snap out of it. But one of those times. I wish I didn't.

* * *

_"Crucio" Bellatrix said, then faltering "No. Leave Alice alone!" I started grieving_

I couldn't see another mother lose her child. I couldn't see another child lose the one thing it gains its strength from.

"_Not likely sweetheart" Rudolphus said and he placed a torturing curse on her as well._

_"Don't you have a fucking heart? Leave the mother and child alone. Leave Frank alone" Bellatrix screamed_

_"No. You will do as the Dark Lord Wishes" Barty Crouch Jr said_

I stood in front of them and we were all tortured. I was tortured into near-insanity. I couldn't hold on any longer and I lost it. But every time I saw a baby. I would realise who I was.

_"Shh…" Bellatrix held the baby Neville "I'm sorry. I tried and I'm sorry" Bellatrix cried. The men had left her and she was expected to apparate on her own. Neville looked at her sympathetically and played with her hair. But then she put him down and walked in a very tipsy manner back to where they were_

* * *

That final moment. Before I died. I was duelling a girl. I was insane by that point. Every night in Azkaban I would cry for my baby girl. Rose. She would be so disappointed in her mother, to know that she was a murderer. I was driven insane by that single thought. I changed completely in Azkaban and not for the better. I killed children. I lost the bonds that a mother would have for her child.

I was disgusted with myself. I was duelling a girl. Who had a mother. I couldn't control myself. Azkaban and cruciatus curses had driven me to insanity and further. It was the best thing to happen to me when Molly Weasley killed me. I could at last see my Rose. I was drifting away.

* * *

_"Are you my mummy?" the little girl asked Bellatrix. She was small, about 3 years old, the age Bellatrix wanted to see her daughter the most. The little girl had curly, black hair and the brightest blue eyes, she had the rosiest cheeks and the most adorable smile_

_"What's your name, sweetheart?" Bellatrix asked kindly. She noticed in the mirror hanging beside her that she was no longer grimy, her hair was back to its beautiful curls and she was in muggle clothes. Something she had done when she was 6, just the once._

_"Rose. Rose Black" the little girl said and Bellatrix knelt down and hugged her tightly_

_"Yes. I'm so sorry." She cried._

_"It's okay mummy. Can we play hide and seek now?" she asked in a typical childish manner and she ran off. Bellatrix in hot pursuit. She caught up to her, falling to the ground both giggling. She gained strange looks from Snape, who was there too, talking to the Potters. Needless to say, everyone was looking at her oddly_

_"You're her mother? She's been bothering everyone for hours?" Snape said to her_

_"Yes. Problem?" she asked brightly._

_Bellatrix walked away. Carrying her daughter in her arms. She was sane and complete. For once in her life, she laughed._

* * *

A/N: Helena Bonham-Carter, i WORSHIP you


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